StrongCalm™ was created as a space for those navigating the invisible, confusing, and  overwhelming weight of Complex PTSD.

My main mission is to shed some light and offer hope for anyone suffering through the excruciating and isolating pain. We need all the help we can get. 

We can build resilience and self-trust. We’ll go into what isn’t working and what isn’t talked about in CPTSD.

Please remember, you are not alone. Complex PTSD likes to make us feel like our pain is insurmountable and rewires the brain to feel isolated and unique in the depth of our pain. This is actually protective and what our bodies are used to, but it is not the truth and it is not the end. 

When I first searched for information on Complex PTSD, I found very little, and even less that offered hope. Most of what I found focused on symptoms, therapy or body-based practices, both of which are important. But there’s room for more. 

What’s missing quite a bit is the role mindset plays in Complex PTSD, healing and therapy, and in whatever path you choose really. There is a lack of discussion around habits and self-talk that aren’t always obvious, and these can be either unhelpful or helpful in your journey.

It’s also important to look at what might be blocking you in your healing path when living with Complex PTSD and in rewiring your nervous system.

I lived for years with milder symptoms I didn’t realize stemmed from trauma. Things such as numbness, feeling trapped, getting immediately sad or scared out of nowhere during happy and fun occasions that others seemed to enjoy. I didn’t understand why I felt the way I did, and didn’t attribute it to anything. I didn’t even know these were symptoms. Things just were. Maybe I was just different.

Eventually,  I experienced a severe breakdown, and my life as I knew it stopped. I didn’t know what was going on. I was having excruciating emotional pain and what I called attacks that, as you know, are probably untranslatable to the “normal” outside world.

I would cry for hours, was non-functional and almost every small thing triggered me (really: specific years, people with dark hair…a lot of stuff). I was trying to avoid triggers, but I couldn’t outrun all of the them.

The internal pain was violent and raw, like nothing I’d ever experienced and still don’t know how to convey. 

It’s something you don’t ever think you can move past, at first…but again, this is a story about a way through and light.

After starting “regular therapy” with two different providers, I had a breakdown during session. The therapist’s expression changed. She told me that maybe this was coming from deep trauma without going into too much detail.

I started learning about PTSD. It fit well but there were still some elements missing: enter living with Complex PTSD, explosive emotions and Emotional Flashbacks. It took me quite awhile to find information on Emotional Flashbacks or even know that they existed. I’m not even sure all therapists know about them.

I didnt’ want to be living with Complex PTSD. I just wanted the pain to stop, to feel somewhat normal again. I wanted my life back.

Here’s what I decided and what I held on to:

1. That I would for now believe with 1% that things could get better and that I could stay open. More than that felt like too much. 
2. I would hold onto logic. I couldn’t feel things, emotions, wants, etc, but I could hold onto the logic behind it. For instance, Complex PTSD could convey that I would never feel, or even want, connection but I could hold onto the logic that I could, and that humans want, and benefit from, connection.

Living with Complex PTSD is raw, it’s like your essence is wounded, especially when you don’t know where to turn.

Some therapies helped. Others didn’t. But when something “didn’t work”, I tried to take away at least one useful thing,  maybe a moment, a quote, or a pattern to avoid. Over time, I took responsibility for my healing. I began piecing together tools that made a difference: tiny shifts, daily habits, and mindset work, all with a lot of compassion and learning to self-love…

This blog exists to share those tools, those shifts, and the belief that healing is not only possible, it’s already happening and the desire is there, even when you can’t feel it…

I’d like to offer another point of hope as well. It seems like there is more and more knowledge and options surrounding Complex PTSD so that more tools are and will become readily available. 

In that same line of thought, every story matters. And your voice, your healing contributes to a larger shift we need in the world. Let’s break the barrier and the beliefs about life after experiencing Complex PTSD. Let’s show those who come after us that there is hope and light.

Living with Complex PTSD does not have to be your end goal. You can move through this.

As a final note, you won’t find graphic or explicit stories here. The details of trauma matter less than what comes after. This is a space for rebuilding, rewiring, remembering and growing into who you are.

I’ll mention more Resources on another blogpost, but it you’d like a bit more information, try:

• Cleveland Clinic: Complex PTSD (CPTSD)
  A bit clinical but includes a description of Complex PTSD.
• Mind.org: What is Complex PTSD
  While they are based in the UK, they offer a rather good description of CPTSD. This also shows that this diagnosis exists elsewhere and that there is help out there.
• The Body Keeps the Score, by Bessel Van der Kolk.
  This is the book I first read and it really helped me understand what was going on in the body and the brain. I highly recommend it.

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